Blog

Stuck. This is the state most of our clients find themselves in when reaching out to us for somatic therapy. Stuck in patterns of anxiety, shutdown, exhaustion, emotional reactivity, people pleasing, procrastination, overthinking, interpersonal conflicts… The list goes on.

The first step out of this loop is recognising what this stuckness is, and what it’s not.

It is nervous system dysregulation. Your autonomic nervous system and your body are locked in survival patterns, trying hard to protect you from perceived threat.

Our most intimate relationships challenge us like no others do, showing us the unhealed wounds that we carry deep inside so we can finally face and heal them. We grow and heal in connection with others, but sometimes, it seems like this connection is irrevocably lost, and there’s no way to restore it. When our partner suddenly feels more like a stranger or an enemy rather than the person we can open up to, when it’s hard to find a common language or mutual understanding, a relationship may need help – not just through words.

What does it mean to heal relationships – not just with others, but with yourself – through the body? In this conversation, my colleague Arpitha Shankar and I share our journeys into somatic therapy and relational healing, and reflect on how it shapes our current work with clients. We talk about the role of embodiment in working with attachment wounds and how body-based trauma therapy can offer safety and connection where words are just not enough.

Some of us are affected by what happened in our childhood more than others, regardless of whether we believe we experienced trauma or not. While we can understand and accept what happened to us and have a strong will to move on, it’s the body that often still experiences the past as if it’s happening in the present moment, while the autonomic nervous system still reacts habitually the way it learnt to when we were young.

Many of us who have experienced chronic dysregulation in our early life, enter adulthood not quite knowing the nature of this constant high arousal and dissociation, and not quite knowing what to do about it. When our capacity to self-regulate isn’t developed, we are left to rely on our coping strategies which can range from over-working and people-pleasing to addictions and self-harm.